I've been thinking a lot lately. About everything. Especially forgiveness.
I talked to Leslie about being able to forgive people.. And not being able to forgive people. About best friends... And then I thought about how I'm always able to forgive people.... But not forget. Then I think is it even possible for me to truly forgive and forget? Like not in the sense of forgetting completely obviously. But forgetting enough not to have even the slightest bit a grudge towards them?
That's something I'm not so sure of. I can forgive people, talk to them again and everything be okay. But then like I just don't know.
I know I have friends and I'm sure they love me and want the best for me... But. Not to sound completely shitty... I just don't feel like I have any "real" friends anymore. All my friends have basically hurt me in one way or another. I'm sure I've hurt them all too. But then I'm like.... "real friends wouldn't do that to each other."
And Leslie said something that just clicked.
"You can't be best friends with someone you can't completely be honest with and tell them everything. The way you feel and think. Being able to talk freely."
And now I'm sitting here thinking.....
The only friend I can truly do that with is Katie.
*sigh*
I don't know. In a way I want everyone to just leave me alone. I want to move on. Get completely new friends. Leave. Pack my shit and just leave.
